Narcissists can be very erratic to be around at times, but what exactly is a narcissist? A narcissist is a person who is actually struggling emotionally and is trying to control everything...so they feel safe. Although at times it may feel like a person with narcissistic personality disorder is highly confident and powerful they are doing it to intimidate others or control through fear.
In this video
1. What is a narcissist and what games can they play?
2. What is the one main trigger that makes a narcissist attack?
3. What to do if you get caught in the crossfire?
Part 1 - What is a narcissist and what games can they play?
Narcissists are people who are in a lot of pain. Although at times people with narcissistic personality disorder may appear to have high confidence or self-esteem it is actually the opposite. The emotional manipulation game that they can play are many, but they are doing so because they want to feel safe and in control.
In the video here I cover the 4 main styles of emotional manipulation that narcissists will use to gain power and control over other people.
Part 2 - What is the one main trigger that makes a narcissist attack?
Sometimes we can unknowingly say something in normal conversation and find ourselves in the middle of a war zone where the person who we are chatting to seem to explode for what seems to be no reason at all.
However, the reason that they are acting that way is that feeling very insecure as they are losing what they feel is keeping them safe...they are losing their control over the situation. The one main thing that the narcissist need more than anything is a feeling of control. The reason they feel they need control is that when they feel they have control over other people...they feel safe.
Part 3 - What to do if you get caught in the crossfire?
Narcissists of all 4 styles can be immensely dangerous depending on the person. Remember if you take away a narcissists power by acting in a certain way that triggers them to feel that they are losing their power then they may not be in control of their emotions and therefore not able to be reasoned with in the moment.
For this I suggest 2 options to resolve the situation.
The first is to leave the situation if at all possible and give the person some breathing space. They are struggling at that moment and just need some space to calm down.
The second (and may not always feel great) but give them back a bit of their power, to allow the victim to play the victim a little longer or to let the fault-finder gossip carry on judging others. As mentioned although this may not feel too nice at least it may settle the situation a little until you can negotiate the situation through.
Each situation with a triggered narcissist can be extremely different and it is never one size fits all, so use these as a guideline and above all stay safe!