"It is NOT your past or your circumstances that will determine your future...it is your attitude today and if you are prepared to do what needs to be done!
The truth is... the most successful person you can ever meet will feel feel unsure or lost at times...
The question is... do you have doubt...or does doubt 'have you'?"
Assuming we can succeed in life by just positive thinking and writing out goals is a very outdated method!
It is essential that we understand the deep inner workings of the mind and social interactions with out peers.
Yes it may take time...yes it may take effort...yes you may make mistakes along the way, but when you discover who you are the abilities and success you will enjoy far outweigh any investment!
Founding his first training company in 2000, Paul Ryder was a personal fitness trainer since 1995 and has been a trauma therapist since 2007.
As a successful coach, author and public speaker, Paul is on a continual journey to create a means for people to access learning tools and materials that will make a difference in all aspects of life, from emotional well-being, confidence building, social-psychology, conflict resolution, goal setting and building better relationships.
Paul has used and still regularly uses all of the methods which he now teaches that brought him from a place of fear and worry to the confidence to live a happy and fulfilling life. Paul has taken the learning and is on a continual journey to transform complex information of emotional intelligence such as guilt, fear, shame, self esteem and love into format which is easy to understand.
Where it all began (From Paul Ryder)
Although there were many happy time, as I was growing up, it had many challenges.
Spending 7 months in hospital age the age of 3 from congenital hip dysplasia was unknown at the time to create a lifetime of potential pain through a restructured pelvis and missing bone.
However that was the least of worries in comparison to, my alcoholic father and mother who would go on drinking binges leaving the home in extreme uncertainty. The continual arguing, violence, emotional manipulation and mood swing from those around me became so overwhelming it crushed my self esteem and self worth.
Eventually this emotional disease spread to all areas of my life and created shame and guilt, blaming myself for everything and then trying to stay as small as possible to avoid confrontation.
This when out of the home environment then gave the school ground bullies open target to vent their frustration. People who get bullied are usually so overwhelmed with the emotional turmoil that they cannot stand up for themselves as their brain itself will rewire itself for hyper arousal and shut the person down to prevent over traumatising. School just went from bad to worse as the years went on.
Training the mind and body...Taking the first step!
I reached a point one day at the age of 17 where I had take too much... I felt at a cross roads, tune out (end it all) or do something about it!
The easiest option in my mind was suicide, but not one I wanted to go through. So I looked at other options. I had been testing a trying many forms of therapy, though non of which worked as they bound themselves by too many rules and the therapists I had met were doing more harm than good. So I decided to read everything I could and exercises my body 3 - 4 hours a day.
Some called me obsessive, I called it survival!
However, with continually searching I fortunately I met trainers who were prepared to do what needed to be done, they were not after my money, they truly wanted to help. They pushed me hard and taught me that although other people could support me, that only I can dig myself out of where I was. They gave to me for no return other than to see me succeed. For the first time I started to recognise that I could stand on my own feet if I faced things and took one step at a time.
Don't be an island!
Relationships of any kind were extremely challenging for many years. Truly believing that somebody could see me and value me...or even love me for who I was, blew my mind...easier to hide and stay safe? Easier but very lonely!
Trusting others to be there is a roll of the dice! We never know what they have been through, are going through or will go through. The only thing we can do is to be as self aware as possible, watch for the warning signs and then try to connect. Nothing is certain, but we can see life as a threat or an adventure...
Having these people believe in me was the key... then my life was a dedicated regime of: go to work, come home, exercise with a mixture of weight lifting, martial arts, cycling and running, backed up with constant reading of personal development books on stress management, social psychology, the mind, how to communicate and anything else I could get my hands on. I would cycle to work listening to the great authors and study continually the attitudes and mentalities of my chosen mentors. The more I studied the more determined I became. Although at that time I had a scrawny frame, no friends, no money and was still being bullied, I had an ever increasing fire to get to the life where I had great friends, happiness, love and abundance in my life. I wasn’t there yet but I vowed never to quit until I succeeded.
The journey was challenging, but as the phrase goes, “Quitters never win and winners never quit” Slowly and surely I created a cast iron foundation that has lead me to the life I lead today of freedom of thought and to love the person I am. Through my journey one of the valuable life changing lessons I learned was that peace comes not from overcoming every challenge but how we feel inside when facing those challenges.
The myth of a challenge free life
I remember a while ago when I was approached by a student on training workshop I was teaching and he said to me how it must be great to have such a peaceful life with no challenges, I smiled and said “yes your right, it would be, and if you get there before me, let me know how it feels” An ability to love who we are and have freedom of thought does not mean that life will be challenge free; the only people who do not have challenges are in the grave.
I wish you all the best on your journey